


I Should Tell You

by bah0rel



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - RENT, F/F, F/M, HIV/AIDS, M/M, bucky is a stripper, people die, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-17
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-05 02:43:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1802431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bah0rel/pseuds/bah0rel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A year in the life of the artists of Avenue A. </p>
<p>(RENT AU. So there is AIDS and death, sorry. However, Bucky is a stripper.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

_How do you document real life? When real life's getting more like fiction each day...._

 

Steve sat in the cold warehouse apartment, wrapped up in a blanket as he stared at the sketches he had created earlier. Tony wasn't due home for a while. Busy at the workshop.

 

Neither of them were earning much money. Not enough to pay rent and eat well. They went without food most of the time. It was harder when Thor was in town, he would help eat any food they had in the house and then they would go without for a week before more money came in.

 

That was living in New York for you. Despite times having changed from the forties, thousands still lived in poverty. That rule was no exception to the artists of Avenue A.

 

It was hard for Tony to adjust to living in poverty. He came from big money. That was before his father disinherited him and died not long after. Leaving Tony without a single penny. To begin with, Tony would spend a lot of the money they didn't have. Money they had to share in order to survive. That often ended in Steve arguing with him before running out of their apartment.

 

However, once Tony had managed to save money and use it appropriately, Steve had gotten himself addicted to drugs. Often, Tony would see him inject himself with cocaine. Money was being used up on that, just to keep him going without food. To take his mind off the fact he wouldn't get further in life. No-one would ever notice his artwork. He was stuck in a meaningless existence. He believed that the drugs were his only best friend.

 

The woman who got him addicted to drugs, Peggy, was soon diagnosed with AIDS. It was the needles. Tony knew it. It was only a matter of time before Steve was diagnosed with it. Through either the needles or the sex he was having. Soon after, she committed suicide. Slit wrists. That sent Steve into a downward spiral. He resorted to taking more drugs to deal with his grief. There wasn't a sober moment with Steve Rogers. Not until Tony had found him overdosed in a back alley. That was when he had forced him to give up the drugs. They had no money for rehab, so Steve had to suffer the symptoms of withdrawal. He had to suffer Tony keeping a close eye on him. Not letting him leave the apartment.

 

Six months on, Steve still hadn't left the apartment. Through his own choice. He was too scared to be vulnerable to the addictions again. Through this time, Thor hadn't visited once. Probably deployed elsewhere to fight. Afghanistan. Iraq. Maybe. They didn't know. Steve was glad that Thor didn't have to see him through the withdrawal period. It was bad enough Tony witnessing it. The man was vulnerable throughout the six months. Insomnia leaving him exhausted. Sweat trickling down his forehead. He was snappy, irritable and restless. On a few occasions, he almost forced Tony to leave.

 

The door slammed, Steve jumping at the unexpected slam. Tony was home.

 

“Still haven't left the house, have you?” Tony asked, putting the small amount of groceries he had picked up on the counter.

 

“No point.” His voice muffled by the blanket.

 

It was dark outside. Eleven at night, probably. The only light they had was the small table lamp that was situated in the centre of the room. Tony had walked over to Steve, sitting on the floor so he could see his friend more clearly.

“Thor's coming back today.” Tony smiled, trying to make conversation. Steve nodded in reply, eyes fixated on the opposite wall.

 

The lights suddenly shut off. No other electricity in the building working. The pair let out a loud groan, knowing exactly who it was that shut off their electricity on Christmas Eve. There was only one person cruel enough.

 

Loki Laufeyson.

 

Thor's adoptive brother. They used to all live together, here in the apartment on Avenue A. Before Loki married into power. His wife's father was dirty rich. Trust Loki to marry a wealthy daughter of the revolution. If their power had shut off, it meant that Loki was due to appear not long after. For what? They all knew. To stop Natasha's protest. Everyone knew he disapproved with her support for the homeless. Everyone knew she didn't give a damn to stop.

 

Who's Natasha, you ask? Tony's ex-girlfriend's new partner. Steve will never let him live it down. Never.

 

“ _Trust you to turn a woman gay.” Steve would chuckle into his drink as Tony threw his arms up in defeat. “I did not turn her gay! She was already semi-gay.” He frowned, taking a sip of his drink. “She just decided to act on it after she left me.” Steve just continued to giggle, teasing him about it._

 

A whistle came from downstairs. An all too familiar whistle. “Ho, Ho, Ho! Stark!” The man called out, waiting for Stark to appear at the balcony. “C'mon, Stark!”

 

“Lost your key? Again?” Tony called down as he appeared at the bars, holding out his key's. The man shrugged, holding his hand up for the keys.

 

“What makes you think I'm gonna give you them, huh?” Tony grinned, waving the keys as if the man on the concrete was a kitten.

 

“The fact that you haven't seen me in six months. C'mon, throw 'em down!”

 

Tony laughed, dropping the keys down for him. “You need to get your own key, Odinson.”

 

Thor went to start heading towards the building before he was stopped by a gang of teenagers. All seemed thirsty to fight. Thor was in no mood to fight. Six months of fighting in Afghanistan was more than enough for now. The teenagers wouldn't back-up. The crowded him into a corner, trying to mug him. As far as he could, Thor resisted. He didn't wish to harm the boys, but he could if he so wished. One boy punched him in the stomach, another kicking the back of his legs causing him to fall on his back with a grunt. They ran away with his coat and bag. He was left without his clothes. All he had now, was what he was wearing. Thor lay there, blood over his chin. His lip split.

 

“Oh my God. Are you okay?” A girl ran over, crouching down to check on him.

 

“Yeah, yeah. M'fine.” He smiled. “Just a scratch.”

 

“Some scratch...What's your name?” She asked, reaching into her bag for some wipes.

 

“Thor. Thor Odinson.” He tried to push her hand away. The blond chuckled slightly at her confused expression to his name. “Yeah, yeah. I know. My Dad was Swedish. Obsessed with the Gods. Named myself and my brother after two of them. Uh, what is your name? 'Cause you know mine.”

She smiled, winning in the battle of her helping. “My name's Jane. Jane Foster. Pleasure to meet you Thor.” She cleaned up the blood from his face, blushing as she did so.

 

“Oh, shoot. I really need to go...” She smiled weakly. “I have Support Group. For people with AIDS.” She chuckled sadly.

 

“Do you help out there?” Thor asked curiously.

 

“No, no. I, uhm, I have AIDS. It's not uncommon in these parts.” Jane looked ashamed until Thor had put a comforting hand on her cheek. “You're welcome to come...” She added, looking at Thor carefully. Scared witless that he might freak out. He nodded causing relief to fill her veins as she stood up.

 

The pair walked towards the Support Group, hands rubbing against each other until they automatically interlocked.

 


	2. Chapter 2

_ _

_Before The Virus Takes Hold_   
_Glory_   
_Like A Sunset_   
_One Song_   
_To Redeem This Empty Life_   
  
_Time Flies_   
_And Then - No Need To Endure Anymore_   
_Time Dies_

Thor had ended up staying on Jane's sofa that night after having attended her support group with her. They stayed up talking for hours. They talked a lot about very little. She discussed the fact that she had developed HIV through her mother and it had developed in Jane's teenage years to AIDS, leaving the woman with very little time left. _Borrowed time_ as she called it. Thor held her in a tight hug for a long while after that. There was something about this girl, something completely different. He didn't believe in love at first sight, it was far too cheesy for him. But he couldn't deny the fact he felt _something_ for Jane.

 

Back at the apartment, Tony and Steve were wondering where their friend had gotten too. It was nearing half past ten, too late for anyone to be out in New York. Especially on Christmas Eve. Growing slightly concerned about Thor's whereabouts, Tony stood up and grabbed his coat.

 

“Capsicle, I'm gonna go find Thor. Wanna come?” He stopped at the door, hoping that Steve would come out with him.

 

“Nah, I'm fine here.” Came the reply from the man, still nestled on the sofa, trying to grasp as much warmth as he could.

 

“Sure? Thought we could all go out to a bar or even for dinner. It'd be cool.”

 

Steve let out a long sigh, craning his neck to look at his friend. “Zoom in on my empty wallet.”

 

“Touche.” Tony breathed out a soft laugh. “Don't stay there too long.” And with that, he left in search of their friend.

 

Steve sat on his sofa for a while longer, not paying much attention to anything. After an hour, he walked up to the rooftop, taking his sketchbook with him. Rogers had been trying create a sketch, something that he could leave behind. Something his friends could look at and remember him by. But nothing was working. Nothing would come of his sketches. Nothing that was of importance, really. Every sketch he made was just a bald eagle or the American flag. Anyone could leave that behind.

 

Getting out his pencil, he began to sketch the view from the rooftop. It was starting well, it began too look like it was getting somewhere. Then all of a sudden he made a mistake. He treated every mistake as if the world was ending. Steve was desperate to get this fixed, he needed something to leave behind. One last thing. But he couldn't even do that. The man didn't know how much time he had left, true he wasn't spending his time wisely, but he wanted a mark left. He couldn't be sure his friends wouldn't remember him. 

After another failed sketch, Steve trudged back down to his apartment, throwing his sketchbook across the room as he let himself fall onto the sofa face-first. Just as he got comfortable, there was a knock at the door. 

"What did you forget?" He called, walking over to the door and opening it, expecting to see Tony. He was, however, met with a stranger, dressed in stupidly tight boxers and a hoodie that was practically falling off, with a candle situating itself in his left hand. 

"Got a light?" The man asked as he looked at Steve seductively, waving his candle softly.

"Wait, do I know you?" Steve asked, looking curiously to see if he knew the other. The man walked into the apartment, looking around curiously. "Man, you're shivering. Are you okay?" The door closed as Steve turned to look at the guest. 

"M'fine. Just haven't eaten much today." He turned to face Steve, smirking. "Well, at least the room's stopped spinning." 

At this point, Steve was staring at him. Unsure as to where he'd seen the stranger before. He admired the way the light hit the stranger's hair. 

"You're staring at me." His smirk grew larger as he took small, seductive steps towards Steve. "What is so admiring about my looks?" 

"Uh, you're hair in the moonlight." Steve choked out, a blush creeping on his cheeks as he turned his gaze away from the other. 

"Well, do you got a light or do I have to go and find some other poor soul who has one?" The stranger was getting too close for comfort, but Steve didn't push him away. Rogers reached into his pocket and pulled out a box of matches. Quickly, he pulled one out and lit if for the strangers candle. The stranger grinned, thanking Steve before walking around his apartment. The stranger looked curiously around. 

"I still can't place where I know you from, pal. You remind me of someone..." 

"I always remind people of someone." He smirked again, looking at some sketches that Steve drew. "Who are they?" 

"Uh, my girlfriend. She, uh," Steve scratched the back of his neck, looking at the floor. "She died." He smiled sadly as the stranger blew out the candle, walking back over to Steve. 

"Sorry about your friend, but my candle's out again." He held it up, expecting another match. Steve lit it, shaking his head with a smile. 

"Ow..." The stranger smirked. 

"Oh, the wax it's-"

"Dripping." He moved his lips closer to Steve's ears. "I like it between my-"

"Fingers! I figured. Oh, well. Uh, goodnight!" Steve led the stranger to the door awkwardly, expecting him to leave there and then but he burst back in frantically. 

"It blew out  _again_?" He whined.  _  
_

"No, ugh, yes. But I think that I dropped my stash!" The stranger started moving Steve's sketches, looking for his cocaine. He looked frantic, desperate for the powder. "Ugh, it was pure! Is it on the floor?" More things were thrown about as the stranger got down on his knees, bending forward so his arse was in the air. Steve stared at it, his face bright red. The stranger knew the effect he was having on Steve and wiggled his arse a little, whispering seductively. "They say that I have the best ass, below 14th street...It is true?" He smirked, not even bothering to continue looking for the white powder for a minute. 

"Uhm, what? No! Wait! I mean, yes I-"

"You're staring again!" He grinned. "You said you recognised me earlier. Do you go to the Cat Scratch Club? That's where I work. I dance." 

"Yes! They used to tie you up!" He pointed. The stranger shrugged, looking for the packet again. 

"It's a living." 

Out of the corner of his eye, Steve noticed the stash lying on the floor. He sneakily bent down to pick it up. 

"What's that?" The other asked. 

"Uh, candy bar wrapper." He nodded. It was a well known fact that Steve Rogers couldn't lie to save his life. Everyone knew when he as lying, this occasion was not exception. The stranger played along with him, moving over and wrapping his arms around Steve's neck. 

"What's your name? I never got it earlier." 

"I'm Steve." He smiled, blushing slightly.

"They call me," He smiled, one hand moving down to Steve's back pocket and he pulled out the small stash of cocaine. "Bucky." Bucky grinned, placing a kiss on Steve's cheek before he skipped out of the room, waving his little stash. Steve was left in awe at Bucky, his hand lingering by his cheek.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, thank you all for reading! I know it's not the best chapter, it is mainly dialogue. But I didn't really know how to write the 'Light My Candle' sequence without a lot of dialogue. 
> 
> So, Bucky's been introduced! Yey! More from Jane and Thor, next chapter! 
> 
> Please read and give me a comment! 
> 
> Jemma :)


	3. Chapter Three

Tony had arrived home late that night. He couldn't find Thor anywhere. Maybe he'd just found a bar to hide in. New York was tough on anyone. But that wasn't like Thor. He would always come straight into their shitty apartment, dump his stuff and take them all out for a drink or ten.

Tony went home having not found Thor. He'd go back out in the morning. Steve was his first priority. Steve's mental health meant that Tony had to keep an eye on him as much as he could. He had to make sure his friend took his AZT at the rights times. Steve was terrible for not taking the pesky little pills that delayed the development of his AIDS. Tony had to look over him to make sure he had taken them.

Upon arriving home, Tony noticed that Steve's bottle of AZT had remained unmoved from where he left it before Tony left.

“Sometimes, Rogers, I think you have a death wish.” Tony said with a sigh, throwing himself on the mattress and curling in a ball to sleep.

The next morning, the pair were woken up to Thor slamming the door shut. “Ho, ho, ho, motherfuckers!” He called, dropping the keys and his bag. Steve shot up at the slam, his facial features like a deer caught in headlights. Tony grumbled at Thor as he trudged past him and towards the coffee pots.

“Where did you go and hide?” Steve muttered, climbing down the ladder from his raised floor above Tony's bed.

“Ah,” Thor grinned, walking over to the door and opening it to reveal Jane smiling behind it. “I got beat up and she took me in...”

Tony choked on his coffee. “You,” He wheezed, laughing a little. “You got beat up? You? Thor Odinson?” He began to laugh more, placing his coffee on the side to wipe his eyes. Steve had walked over to him with a cushion, hitting the other with it. Tony didn't shut up, merely making his giggles less obvious as he looked away from Thor.

“So, she took you to hers? You didn't come straight home?” Steve inquired, making his own coffee.

“Well, we went to Jane's support group first then to hers.” Thor smiled, wrapping an arm around Jane's small waist.

Tony had stopped giggling, cocking a concerned eyebrow. “Support group?” Thor nodded softly.

“For,” Jane spoke up, clearing her throat. “For AIDS. Uhm, it's the only place some people have to go.”

Steve had nodded sadly, climbing back up to his personal floor and hanging his legs over the ledge. He clutched his coffee close to his chest, taking the occasional sip. His mind wandered to the boy from the night before. How he looked confident and seductive around Steve. Of course, Steve knew that Bucky would have been confident due to his career choice. He was gorgeous. His jawline looked as if it had been sculpted by a master sculptor. Steve felt himself growing aroused at the thought of Bucky. He subconsciously crossed his legs, knowing that he couldn't risk feeling like this towards Bucky. It was obvious that Bucky wanted sex. He wouldn't have thrown himself at Steve the way that he did if he didn't want sex. But Steve couldn't risk allowing him to have sex with Bucky. He didn't want to transmit his disease into Bucky. Bucky didn't deserve to live life the way Steve was. 

"Steve," Tony called up to him, looking at a new member to the room. When Steve didn't reply, still lost in his thoughts, Tony shouted again. "Rogers, wake up!"

Steve jumped slightly, turning to face Tony. He was about to shout back at Tony but, however, noticed Loki was stood next to his brother. Poised and ready to argue. Tony looked angry as did Thor and Jane. Shouting ensued between Thor, Tony and Loki. Anger flaring up around the room. Eventually, Loki stormed out, yelling at them as he did. 

Jane was stood there looking shocked, a soft laugh left her lips. "So...That's your brother?" She looked up at Thor. He nodded a little, looking ashamed of his brother. 

"He's adopted..." He laughed, scratching his neck. 

Steve had climbed back down and stood next to Tony who was refusing to follow through with Loki's deal. 

"I'm not getting Natasha to cancel her protest. I refuse." He sighed. 

"No rent though, Tone.." Steve patted his back. "What would you rather, her protest or no rent?" 

"Her protest. Getting Natasha to cancel would only anger Pepper and she's scary." He smiled weakly. 

Jane and Thor left not long after things had calmed down more, taking Tony with them. The trio went off towards Support group, leaving Steve alone to wallow in self pity. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there we go! Chapter Three! 
> 
> I had slight writer's block (which is stupid because I get it a lot). I know where I want to go with this, so chapter four **hopefully** shouldn't be too long in coming up. 
> 
> I should tell you, Steve and Tony's apartment is kinda set out exactly like Jimmy and Kyle's in SMASH's (if you watch and know that show). 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading! 
> 
> Jemma


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky sat in the dressing room, legs up on the counter, as he mentally prepared himself for the night’s show. Girls surrounded him, scantily clad in just lingerie. But he knew they would have to put more on before they started their strip tease.

 

A few girls placed kisses on the male strippers’ cheeks, wishing them luck. Everyone was close here.

 

It took a while for Bucky to be get this job - the manager was rather wary about having a male work for him. Due to the danger of sexual harassment in their industry, the manager wanted to look after his girls, and make sure they could work at all times. Had Bucky turned out to be yet another overly-aggressive patron, he easily hurt one of his workers, and, therefore, jeopardise the whole establishment. Luckily, for the manager, however, Bucky was about as straight as a spring. It took at lot of begging and convincing to assure the man that he would not go near any of the girls – they did nothing for him.

 

He was desperate to get this job – desperate enough to sleep with his new boss. He needed the money far too badly to care much about he consequences. Drugs cost a bomb, and anything left over went towards his rent. Anyway, Bucky eventually had gotten the job, and he was damn good at it. He had decided that he would become the star of the Cat Scratch Club – hey, a druggie could have aspirations too.

 

It was a risky decision: many of the regulars could have been homophobic, and kicked Bucky out on his ass. They weren't. They all took to him spectacularly, throwing money to the stage like confetti at a bride.

 

“You’re on in a minute, Chica.” His friend came up behind him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and placing a kiss on his cheek. He nodded, dropping his legs from his table, and turning to face her.

 

“You know me, I'm always ready.” He smirked. She leant forward to grab his lipstick, applying it softly. He smacked his lips together, smiling softly as he leant his head against the girls arm.

 

“You look gorgeous, sweetie.” She kissed his cheek before jumping off the back of his chair, and skipping away.

 

Grabbing his leather jacket, he grinned in the mirror, it had surprised him how much he actually enjoyed this job. Dancing was something he had always loved, so to do it professionally, even in such a decadent way, All his girls had lined up behind him, ready to go out and dance. He breathed slowly, jumping from foot to foot as he prepared himself. Despite having done the same routine for a while now, he still got pre-performance butterflies.

 

Drumbeats rang out through the hall as Bucky stepped out and onto the stage. He smirked at the applause his appearance gained, he was the star, after all.

 

“What's the time?” He sang softly, leaning seductively against the pole in the centre of the stage. He moved his left hand to run up his inner thigh, singing all the time.

 

“I want to commit a crime. Want to be the cause of a fight.” He grinned as he raised his fists to the air, miming out the actions of the song. It was cheesy choreography, but it got the crowd going, so who was he to judge?

 

Unzipping his jacket seductively, he smirked at the crowd, before throwing the faux-leather out into the audience. He sang his song in a low voice, gravely from alcohol and cigarettes. “I want to put on a tight shirt and flirt with a stranger,” He rolled his hips, throwing a leg onto a bar and leaned back, the buldge in his shorts visible to everyone in front of him.

 

“Let's go out tonight,” He sang loudly, walking sideways down the illuminated staircase as he faced the crowd, swaying his hips seductively. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he fell to his knees and leant forward to crawl towards the front of the stage.

 

“You want to play? Let's run away,” He sunk to the floor, wiggling his hips as he winked at a stranger in the front row. “We won't be back before it's New Years Day...” A handful of dollars was thrown down to him, and he picked them up one bye one, tucking them slowly in his shorts as he kept eye contact with the person who threw them at him. “Take me out tonight.” He knelt up, bucking his hips upward. He knew it was over the top, and would look clichéd as hell in any other circumstance, but in this club, hazy with smoke and alcohol-fuelled fuzz, it fit.

 

“Meow, hah!” He grinned, standing fully up as he thrust out into the crowd. Laughing loudly, Bucky skipped over to the pole, sliding around it, and pulling at his golden shorts. He stripped off fully, throwing the shorts back onto the stage. Many of the men catcalled, whistling as Bucky strutted down the aisle between them. He got on his knees, smirking. “You're sweet, want to hit the street?” He leant in, kissing the thigh of one of the patrons who had thrown money.

 

Bucky stood up, flouncing back towards the stage, singing all the while. He paused when he reached it, back to his audience, and turned his head round to smirk at them. “I'll let you make me out tonight.” He shook his hips as he crossed the floor and reached the stairs. The world seemed to slow down as he climbed, as though he was walking through fog. “Tonight.” A few more steps up. “Tonight.”

 

As he reached the final step, he turned around; raising his hands up as he sang the final line. “Tonight.” The stage plunged into darkness.

Bucky laughed in delight, high-fiving a girl to his left. He was handed a robe by a stage-hand, and left for the changing rooms, a smirk plastered on his face.

 

“What are you so happy about?” A girl asked as she changed out of her own costume.

 

“Steve Rogers.” He replied simply, grabbing his bag and placing a kiss on her cheek before walking out.

 

\- x -

 

Bucky walked into the apartment, throwing down his bag by the door. He knew Steve would be upstairs, alone. Tony would be out – one could gain a lot of information by eavesdropping. Bucky was determined to catch Steve's eye - determined to make him his. After all, even a lonely stripper needs somebody to come home to and Steve was attractive enough to fit the job.

 

First of all, Bucky needed to make sure that all the gold from his eyes and lips had disappeared. He did not want to appear as though he was trying too hard. Plus, he didn't want any evidence of the Cat Scratch Club left on him during his seduction. His work needed to be completely separate from his other-life. Bucky looked at the candle he had used to try to hook up with Steve the other night. A soft smile planted itself on his face as he decided against using that trick again – hey, it worked in the movies.

 

This time, he decided, he would be himself. He would try and talk Steve round.‘This should work’, he thought to himself, psyching himself up as he opened the door and entered Steve’s apartment. Knowing that Steve would never let him in by choice, Bucky opened the door carefully and snuck up behind the artist as he drew.

 

“Hey there, Steve.” He whispered in the man’s ear. Steve started, his pencil falling to the floor next to him as he let out a soft whine of surprise.

 

“And who do you think you are?” Steve asked sat still in shock as Bucky gracefully dropped down next to him. Carefully, he looked at what the artist had been sketching, but Steve moved forward to slam the sketchbook shut. He was crazy private like that. “I asked you a question.” He pressed, displeased with the way in which Bucky had disrespected his boundaries.

 

“I was bored.” He grinned, running a hand through his cropped hair. “I needed something to do.”

 

Steve sighed and slapped at Bucky’s shoulder. “And you couldn't have found something else? I'm busy.”

 

“Busy with what? Your sketches?”

 

“As a matter of fact, yes, I am. Now can you please leave?” He pointed towards the door.

 

“What if I don't want to go?” Bucky smirked, leaning unnecessarily close to Steve. He heard the other man’s breath catch in his throat as he mumbled incessantly.

 

“Bucky, you need to go.” Steve forced out shakily.

 

“Awh, but I'd love to spend some time with you, Stevie.”

 

“You want romance?” Steve raised an eyebrow. “Come back here another day.” He picked up his sketchbook, clutching it close to his chest.

 

“Honey, I live each moment as my last. I might not be here another day.” Bucky smirked, leaning even closer to Steve.

 

The blonde stepped back as though he had been burnt, dropping his sketchbook on top of the counter. Steve’s face betrayed him, and Bucky saw that he shouldn't be here in Steve’s private space..

 

Steve gestured emphatically towards the door, hoping Bucky would take the hint and leave. However, the other man merely sat there, batting his eyelids in the desperate hope that Steve would cave and succumb to him.

 

Steve gulped a little. He wanted it too – seriously, he did. Bucky was gorgeous, all sturdy limbs and dark hair and eyes that would seem at home glancing at you across a crowded bar. But Bucky had his whole life ahead of him, and Steve had HIV. Some things just aren’t meant to be.

 

“Awh, Steve.” Bucky reached out to take his hand but Steve jumped further back. “Forget regret,” Bucky growled, jumping off the table to follow Steve predatorily. “Or life is yours to miss.”

 

Steve had turned his back, curling his hands into fists as he tried to block Bucky out. He shook as the other man wrapped his arms around Steve's waist, holding him in close. A gasp hitched in the blonde's throat as Bucky made contact with him. However, after a second of contact, he pulled away fiercely, causing Bucky to fall back.

 

“The heart may freeze, or it can burn.” Bucky looked up at the venom in Steve’s words, the man’s eyes seemed darker than he could remember; hollow, as though he was staring into an endless pit. “Just leave. Please.”

 

“Please. I don't want to hurt you.” His voice shook, tinged with sadness and anger. Bucky would only keep pushing him – he had no damn self-control. But Steve was a time bomb and he was eventually going to explode, piercing everyone around him with shrapnel.

 

The shorter man stared at him, and Steve saw his lip tremble at the forceful way he spoke.

 

“You can be an ass, y’know, Rogers.” Bucky’s coat disappeared around the doorframe and Steve was left alone. He could tell that he had upset the other man, and he knew there would be hell to come from it., yet he was surprised at how okay he felt about it. Maybe Bucky needed to be hurt, and then he would leave Steve alone - let him die in peace.

 

Steve could blow-up far away from everybody else as possible. Minimising the casualties.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there's Chapter Four. Better than the previous chapters? You have my awesome new beta, Elena, to thank for that. She really ripped it apart, more red on the page than black;) But seriously, I thank her so much. She's incredible. 
> 
> Hopefully Chapter Five will be up soon! xo 
> 
> Jemma


End file.
